My husband of 3 years is acting suspicious..?
I think he is cheating. he lied one night saying he was working overtime and I check his job, he’s not there. He comes home drunk w/ what I think is lipstick on his shirt ( he said i t was construction powder) He admits to having a drink w/ his bad influence cousin ( whom he prefers to hang out w/ rather than me, his wife) I tell him my problem w/ all this and he denies everything. What should a wife do? My sister-in-law says to stick it out and trust him. He is acting different therefore something is going on. I want to take the substance on the shirt to get tested in a lab and get the real results on what is on there. I also want to spy on his conversation by taping a 0 recorder under his work truck. He says nothing is going on and to stop accusing him of cheating. So why would he lie about working late and actually going to what I think was a strip club? Could he be falling out of love from me? Please answer w/ honesty and no sarcasm please.. I am looking for answers.
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By ShanaJ, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
I am so sorry to hear that. You poor thing. Trust your instincts, usually a woman’s are right. If you think that he is cheating, he probably is. Has your sex life changed, has he been withdrawn towards you and doesn’t want you touching him etc? I think that you may want to go to counseling or maybe if you have the money you should hire and PI to find out the truth. Otherwise you may want to just wait until he messes up and you or someone else sees him with another woman.
By luvlisteningtomusic, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
Your instincts are usually right. You know there is something wrong and I bet you have had other things that just did not add up as well. I would have someone he does not know follow him and see what he is doing. If he is doing nothing wrong no need to confront him and tell him what you did it will just be a load off your mind. If he is cheating then you will have proof. Do not let him say you are going crazy because you are accusing him of something not being just right.
By flaca, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
Does he ever get on the computer?….try a key logger if he does…check cell phone bill…..sounds crazy, I know, but if it really bothers you…
By Mike H, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
Wow, interesting…hire a private investigator if you have money, if thats what it takes to put you at ease, but in the mean time…if you dont know anything for sure then it would be highly unfair for you to keep accusing him of something that your not solid on and that hes only going to deny anyways and its not fair to him to be accused or treated indifferently for something he might not be doing…BUT, if he has enough respect for you then the going out and having a "drink" will stop too if thats something that you wont tolerate…but like i said if you have the money then hire an investigator, that would be a good solution and potentially peace of mind that hes not doing anything or a harsh reality that you dont want to be apart of and will be better of moving on…hope that helped, good luck!!!!
By Katy, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
All you can really do is wait and if his behavior doesnt change then i would start looking more into it. and i wouldnt ask his sister for advise. ask one of your own friends what they think. Follow him home from work one day and see where he goes. Hope everything works out for you! Good luck!
By pilatustopontus, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
I dont want to be married to you, what are you FBI
By Tones, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
The question sounds like the speech George W. Bush Jr. gave to Congress to convince them that the Homeland Security act was a good thang.
Yeah, I’d say he’s cheating. Maybe he isn’t the right hubby for yah. He’s lying because he is unhappy. Don’t take it personally. It is not often that relationships succeed.
By cheetah7, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
Yes, sounds suspicious. Why don’t u follow him after work and see for yourself?
By free_angel, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
Spy on him and if you catch him doing something he shouldn’t, make your appearance.
By Ryan M, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
constuction powder… doubt it. he is cheating for someone younger than you…kick his butt out the door. or just go to JERRY SPRINGER, or just put something on your shirt and see if he gets suspicious
By rgzo6ls7, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
Yeah Yeah, Same Old Story.
YES, He’s Cheating.
By Common Sense, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
Yep..
He is probably cheating on you…
That does not necessarily mean he no longer loves you…
Is there any sexual desire or fantasy of his that you do not fulfill ?
By casurfwatcher, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
you are bucking up against male bonding at a titty bar … odds are he is not cheating but is hangiing with his cousin … however, if it keeps up, eventually he will stray.
By lucy02, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
Truthfully, I think something is going on or he wouldn’t be lying so much. If you’re not sure I would check out his stories. It shouldn’t be hard to do. If he still denies it when you have proof I would kick him out. If he admits it then you’ll have to decide if you think you can trust him to change.
By john f, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
We all at some stage in our lives. feel we are being cheated on, most times it is PMT or our imagination gets carried away.
Ask your husband to tell you the truth, he should be able to look you in the face and answer truthfully, he may have gone to a club and is scared of your reaction, and maybe that is why he lied.
hope all goes well for you
By missmossy, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
You should do what you feel is going to get you the truth if thats what you really want.
If you dont trust him then things are not going well, but on the other hand you must have a reason for feeling that way. What does your gut instinct tell you?
If it was me Id have to be thinking can I handle the truth if it is that hes seeing another woman, dont get the "stuff"tested. The truth will out.
I know Id follow my husband, not knowing drives people crazy. Dont listen to anyone else not anyone on here or sister in laws. Do what you feel is right.
Tape a recorder under his seat….he’ll find. Wrong always surfaces.
Or you could simply say how upset you are and ask him.
I wish you all the best.
By hop along casidy, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
first off what the hell is construction powder!! there no such thing! theres chalk powder for laying down lines for foundations stuff like that. or rust powder. then you have denial! not good! denial=lies. maybe you should stick it out! but i would investigate the problem. try going to radio shack, they have some cool stuff to use. like tiny microphones. but if you need to hire a PI im up for the job! good luck with the hunting!!!
By Jack P, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
He’s cheating. Get a lawyer. Charge the lawyer to him. Divorce. Find a man who wants you. Etc. Good luck.
PS: The lipstick is a bad sign. If he is just going to a titi bar, those girls do not usually get lipstick on a man. That is unprofessional. Lipstick is a sign of an amateaur, thus, he is probably cheating.
By reca_630, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
Do you really need to be told what to do in this situation? Sit down with him and talk about your suspicions. Look him in the eye. Keep asking questions until YOU are satisfied that he’s telling the truth. And if your not, do what you have to do.
Good Luck
By untanuta, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
Rub fresh jalepeno chillis into the groin of his underpants….place the pants carefully in his pant draw…if you’ve ever had them on your fingers and then rubbed your eyes…hey presto one squirming geezer when he comes home!!!!
By ally'smom, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
this is hard to answer without personally knowing you or your husband. There could be 20 GOOD REASONS he felt he could not tell you he was going 4 a drink. He may have lied just to avoid a fight because he knew he was going with someone you disapprove of. The mark on his shirt don’t know he could be telling the truth lipstick is waxy thou I WOULD THINK a women could tell the difference but, without seeing the mark NO WAY for me to say yes, he lied it’s lipstick. My husband is a fisherman he has weNt went fishing came home with glitter on his shirt or hands I KNOW IT’S FROM THE LURES. I’ve been with him fishing we both get glitter on us but, if a women did not know that i bet she’ld be piss*d over her hubby coming home with glitter on him. As for acting different maybe he’s getting depressed which may be why he’s going out drinking I’d put money on that he’s not fully happy with something in his life. JUST TALK TO HIM. I would not go as far as spying on him. Everyone is unique like i said without knowing either of you it’s too hard to say based on just the things you wrote. I THINK HE’S NOT CHETING HE JUST WANTed SOME PERSONAL TIME AWAY FROM YOU WITH A FRIEND WITHOUT IT BEING A BIG OL’ FIGHT.
By DrPhilamina, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
i answerd a similar question like this and mine was voted best answer. The question was "Husband too friendly on My Space???" You can look it up if you want.
I’ll say kinda the same thing I said to her. It doesn’t really matter whether he’s cheating or whether you succeed in catching him cheating. The point is you don’t trust him. Another point is that you 2 are married and he’s doing something that is not ok with you. He should at least have enough respect for you to communicate to resolve this issue.
Even if you get the shirt tested and use the tape recorder and don’t find any evidence (do you see how crazy you sound???) are you really going to trust him?? or are you gonna just keep trying to find other ways to catch him?
Personally, he sounds like a loser, he sounds a lot like the loser I was married to for 3 years. Who cares whether he’s cheating, he doesn’t sound very commited to this marriage. And you sound miserable!
By HP, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
girl your going to to much trouble. heres what you do be quit don’t say another word about it. get a cell phone that has automatic answer on it one of those speaker phones. turn off the ringer hid the phone either in the car or his office. when you call the phone you can hear every thing that goes on. also if you get a nextel phone you can track it on your computer. him acting up one time does not make a cheater. watch him and take notes. you will be surprised and the clues that will add up. also you have to plain out what your gonna do with your life if he is cheating you cant just attack this head on you have to figure out what your gonna do befor it happens. if you need a friend feel free to email me any time.
By neversleep02, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
something is definitely going on. before you jump to conclusions look at his cousin. does he seem to be the sort of guy to visit strip clubs often? is he married or single? if single why? these answers will help understand what they are up to. but it doesn’t look good. now is the time to start planning life without your hubby just in case. lipstick is evidence enough but look closer to verify what you suspect like around his ears and on his chest and back. those are places men neither check or clean and are places women like to kiss or scratch. and above all trust is earned not expected. and if there are children involved they don’t need to put up with his crap. i wish you all the best for whatever you decide.
By joan_of_freakin_arc, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
they say to trust your intuition in these matters, i was married for 10 years, but one day my husband started acting different, he began to work out of town when he had never done that before.i believe a man lies because he isn’t yet ready to leave,maybe he isn’t quite sure if he wants to leave.a man does act differently when they are cheating. if i could redo any of my life and my life leading up to the divorce, i would find a way to follow him, and than if i found out he was cheating i would confront him,and if there was another woman i would confront her, and than give him an ultimatium, and if he chose her i would get out of his life. but if you feel there is something wrong than chances are there is something.
By bibus73, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
The most common answer to why spouses cheat is that something is wrong in the marriage and the affair is a bi-product of those problems, even when most other aspects of the relationship are working well. So first think if you can find reason for cheating. On the other hand some statistics say that 85% of women who feel their lover is cheating are correct. If you have suspicions, consider some of the following and be as impartial as possible.
sudden increase in time away from home
Decreased sexual interest with you
Cheating spouse is often distracted and day dreaming
Cheating husband or wife is often “unavailable” while at work
Cheating spouse attends new functions outside of work and wants to go without you
Cell phone calls from you are not returned in timely fashion
Cheating spouse leaves house or goes to other rooms to talk on the telephone
Cheating spouse uses computer alone and secretly
Cheating spouse asks about your schedule more often than usual
Mileage on car is high yet he reports only short distance errands
Clothes smell of perfume or cologne
Cheating spouse gets his laundry done independently
Unexplained payments on bank statements
Cheating spouse has more cash on hand without accountability
Cell phone bills contain calls with long duration
Cheating spouse now has a phone cardCheating wife or husband has unexplained receipts in wallet
Cheating spouse has suspicious phone voice-mail messages
Cheating spouse has suspicious cell phone numbersInternet web browser history list contains unusual sites
Cheating spouse begins to use new or free e-mail account
Cheating spouse is suddenly deleting e-mail messages
You need to understand that the lies can be detected if you watch and listen closely to their stories and behavior. Keeping track of the little differences in his story can help you to learn the truth much faster.
By WhtFlavAm*I*JustKissHim, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
Maybe he is Maybe hi is not but that is going to far. If you feel that way and know without doubt that he cheated and came home with lipstick on maybe he wanted you to see it, maybe he wants you gone so he can be happy and stop pretending. What part of He does not want you anymore dont you understand. If you spent more time tending to his needs, giving him some space to think and fixing yourself up maybe go to a gym instead of on Answers Maybe something will change if there is anything left. Sometimes people grow apart accept it. I know he is tired of you accusing all the time. People grow apart It may work it may not show your children a strong woman and get off of Answers belittling him and acting immature, cynical and pushing him away and act like lady. Keep it up he may be with her again.
By wayouthere, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
Act really quiet when he gets home. Don’t say a word. If he asks what’s wrong, tell him "i know all about it". Then see if he confesses to anything.
Act like you already know. If he confesses, you got him.
By snack_daddy10, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
"He says nothing is going on and to stop accusing him of cheating"
"Could he be falling out of love from me?"
"I am looking for answers"
Looks like you are being a little paranoid. If I was your husband I’ll have a few drinks too before coming home.
By Yazzy, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
Go with your gut. But try to get some real proof. Maybe he told you he was working late because he knew ou wouldn’t like him going to a club. Tell him in a neutral tone that you don’t mind him going out with friends/cousins. It beats being lied to, and in case of emergency, you need to know where he is.
If there’s a way to find out for sure if he’s cheating, then go ahead. If you decide he’s not, he better not find that $150 recorder……
Good luck!
By lofolulu, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
He is cheating. You didn’t say how he was acting different, but if it is sexually, he is up to no good. Construction powder…yeah right!!!
Next time he is working late go borrow a friend’s car and follow him. Take your camera too.
If you are right, don’t confront him on it right away. Be very loving to him. Tell him you miss the passion in "our" relationship and you want to go to marriage therapy. Confront him in front of the therapist.
If he refuses to go to therapy, then confront him. Tell him to drop the other women or else you leave.
Perhaps your sister doesn’t want to lose you as part of the family. It is best to address this issue now before he gets STD’s or someone else pregnant.
By Shorey, August 26, 2010 @ 1:40 am
ask a friend of yours to spy on him